Monthly Archives: July 2008

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the mom i want to be. part two.

For set up sake.

We let the kids go to kid only pool time last night.  We figured this is a good way for them to meet some friends for school.  What nice parents we are.  We even let them stay there until 9 pm.  Of course they were the first to be picked.  O well.

Everyone is home.  Kids are changed into pj’s when all the drama begins.  I knew it would happen.  It happens every time they pass the window of their normal bedtime (8:30).  All of a sudden they are afraid of everything.  They are going to throw-up.  They start the ugly cry.  When I say they I really mean her.  Poor thing.

By this time we feel like complete crazies.  We ourselves are tired.  We do not want to deal with drama.  We just want you to go to bed.

The night in this home gets ugly.  There are strong words shared.  I don’t mean shared in a nice way either.  Carly spouts off that “we are the meanest parents ever” and “we don’t even love her”  all because we are making her lay down in bed instead of sleeping next to the toilet all night (in case of throwing up).

This is where the exchange happens.

At the point of her ugly words (she is 10 and kind of hormonal so give her a break) I would usually spout of go to bed in frustration and leave the room for her to cry her heart out.  She would be hurt.  I would be hurt.

Tonight as I listened to this go down something different rose up within me.  I thought about how I have been spouting those same HARSH statements to God.  Because of this, this, and that, “You must not even love me…”,  or “You must love her more”… and so on. It is true that I have been battling some things out with God.  He knows my heart.

As I thought of my own raging battle I also thought of the way He deals with me.  The way I should deal with her.

Carly, I love you even if you do not want to hear that right now.  I know that you know I love you.  I know you don’t believe that we are the worst parents ever.  I know that you do not mean what you said about wishing you were never born (Yes, she said this too).  I forgive your for saying these hurtful words.  I am not mad at you.  Not one bit.  I only love you.

She calms and lays her head on the pillow.

Mom, will you pray with me? (in a soft tone and tears streaming)

Amen.

::

Are you battling right now?  Bring your stuff to Him.  He is big enough.  His love is bigger and contains more grace than our little minds could begin to conceive.

(Your name), Know that I love you.  Know I made you special.  I gave you specific dreams.  I cherish your laugh.  I enjoy your words.  I know you love me.  I know your heart.  I love you, not in spite of who you are but because of who you are.  I am here.  Always.

He is good.  Actually, Better than good.

and today she mowed.

Today, I mowed the yard, front and back.  And yes, I want a medal or something.  Mowing should be outlawed in Houston for the fact that it is just too hot.  My dad has a landscaping business.  He has for many years.  How in the world does he do this every day?

I wanted to surprise Ernest with my good deed.  There was a cramp in the plan.  I had no clue how to turn on the weed eater.  I had to call.  Then the weed eater had no string.  I had to call.  Then the weed eater that had fresh green string kept turning off.  No gas.  I had to call.  Then I could not figure out how to attach the hose to our “special” weed eater gas can.  I had to call.

Surprise, Honey.

I did the nastier than nasty sweat.

Oh, and I almost forgot.  I have a show off neighbor.  Yes, I do.  While I was doing the whole trying to figure out the weed eater thing.  He and his lawn crew (I think he is a landscaper) came in and within 15 minutes completed their whole yard.  They mowed, weeded, and even took the blower for a spin.  I looked at him and in my sweetest voice said  “Show Off”.  I am most certain he heard me over all of the lawn equipment that was being used.  Wait.  Was he even looking in my direction? No.

I think I also served as comic relief for him and his crew.

Maybe comic relief could be known as one of my spiritual gifts.

At least I provided some laughter for his morning.

::

In other news.

While I was glistening the nasty sweat.  Carly and Colt found a dead newborn something.  I think it is a baby squirrel.  It was so sad.  They were so sad.  They had a funeral for it and then buried it in our front flower bed.  Do you have any clue what it is?

summer book club.

Ha.  Summer book club.  I am in my own summer book club.  Yes, me, myself, and, oh yes, me again.  I go on my own time schedule.  Which means sometimes I read VERY quickly and others VERY slowly.  The following is true.  I love books.  I love to look at them, the smell of them, the nice simple covers, let’s not even mention dust jackets.  I am trying to start a love affair with the library instead of the fabulous store pictured above.  Here is the plan I have formulated.  I peruse my favorite aisles at the famous bookstore.  I find the most intriguing books & book covers.  I write down the names/authors.  I visit the library.  This seemed like a great plan.  I requested all the books my little heart desired to read (or look at).  I was happy until I saw the wait.  It seems like all the books I want to read are on a massive wait.  Ugh.  I am being taught patience once again.

Because I think this wait list is so funny I will share it with you.  My hold number is as of today not as of the day I requested them (one month ago).

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My Hold list.

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Audition by Barbara Walters.                             #67

Get Out of that Pit By Beth Moore                      #1  (WooHoo.  I get this one very soon.  I had it on hold for a month.)

Loose Girl by Kerri Cohen                                  #4

Nest Home design #1 (This one is not ready yet)

Same kind of different as me by Ron Hall          #15

Stolen Innocence by Elissa Wall                        #48

Stori Telling by Tori Spelling                             #129  (I know.  You don’t even have to say it.)

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Book that the library does not have that I want to read.

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Remake, restyle, reuse.

Serve God, Save the Planet.

Crazy Love.

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So what are you reading?  What is your summer book club system?  Do you share with friends, Library, or buy?  Do you have any book suggestions for me?

I am finishing The Shack today.  Yes, Today.

the photo wall.

It seems that you are all (okay some of you) interested in photo wall placing.  I seem to get this question a lot from my clients.  What sizes of photos should I print? How many?  How should I place them and where?

Here is my secret.

I love Pottery Barn catalogs.  I love decorating magazines.  (My favorites are Decorating for $100 or less, Domino, and my newest, Do it Yourself by Better Homes and Gardens.)  When I get a new magazine, or catalog, I thumb through it and mark it up, tab it, highlight it, or whatever.  Essentially I steal their design ideas.  You can find MANY wall placing ideas just by doing this.  There are not many home decorating ideas that I come up with on my own.  I find much inspiration in the magazine artwork.  I hope you will too.

I definitely do not mind answering your photo wall questions.  I just thought this might help our creativity come alive.

Do you want a cheap subscription for your favorite magazine?  Order here and help bring our son home from Haiti.

Share time.  What is your decorating secret?

alone.

At our last camp I had the awesome privilege to have a girls only session. It was a lot of fun and lasted more hours than we could have imagined. I shared a story about my life and talked about how God chooses us each individually to be his one. He is so cool that way. After the quick “lesson” we went into a question and answer session. The girls had a whole day to turn in questions under their counselors pillows. It could be a question about anything. Let me just say that after doing youth ministry for 10 years the questions still blew me away. I am not sure why. I have heard them before. At one time they were even my own questions held in the deepest pocket of my heart.

That night proved to not have enough hours to answer our questions. Because of that I have decided to answer, or try to answer, some more on here. I will be missing my panel of counselors so if you would like to chime in please do so in a comment. I would love it.

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Question.

(Written on a crumpled piece of notebook paper and folded many times)

How do you not be alone or lonely?

(Can you feel the emotion in her sweet words?)

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Thoughts.

Loneliness is worldwide. I really do not think there is a person that does not feel the pangs of loneliness. It seems that as women, young and old”er”, we are sent on a search to find the ultimate filling to our deep well. I think this search is the ultimate romantic gesture from a lover God to his bride. Stay with me.

The feeling that loneliness leaves on us shows that we have a desperate need for another. For one particular other. The need is so great. We would almost do anything to quench this feeling. If you are like me then you search your world high and low leaving no rock unturned. You find things that seem to ease the moments but in the end they are meaningless. We were never meant to be alone. never. Our soul was created with a longing for relationship. The best way I can describe loneliness to another is being lovesick.  Hear the voice of God wooing you to himself. God does not make us lonely. It is just what we are away from him. He is the only true filling. We may find relief in friends, parents, boyfriends/husbands, although this is good relief it will not quench.

Read and really hear the words of the Psalmist.

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Psalm 42.

1 As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. 2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? 3 My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” 4 These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng. 5 Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and

6 my God. 7 Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. 8 By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me– a prayer to the God of my life. 9 I say to God my Rock, “Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?” 10 My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, “Where is your God?” 11 Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

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His words are literally striking to me.  You can hear his actual longing for his other.  You can hear his loneliness and his fear of simply being left alone.  He cannot turn away because he knows the love of his God.  It is a love that leaves him panting and stirs the thirst of his soul.

I can vividly remember the long nights after a terrible high school break up.  Just take a moment and humor me here.  Envision the high school me (insert VERY big hair ) sitting on my daybed.  I have one hand on my phone and the other hand is holding a wad of snotted up toilet paper.  I have been crying on and off for hours all the while listening to sunny 99.1 call in requests.  My young heart is thirsting even panting to hear the voice of my former other.  The phone sits in hand just in case it would happen to ring.  It doesn’t.  Alone and lonely I sit.  I sit for hours on end.

These exact emotions are what sent me into a journey that I am still riding to this day.  It all started with a teal bible and a random girls devotional book I picked up.  There was no magic in the devotions I read.  There was just an overwhelming desire to quench the thirst and know true love.  In the weakest moments of my life my Lover God sat next to me wiped the tears from my cheeks and wooed me away with him.  He still does this today. There is no greater romance.

I promise.

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Answer.

I am pretty certain we will all experience the emotions of loneliness or the fear of being alone.  I am also certain someone will be sitting next to you.  He will be waiting for you to try Him. With love in his eyes he will dare your lonely heart to abandon all your fear and search him.  Journey with him and you will not be alone.  ever.


Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Deuteronomy 31:8  The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

rainbow smoothie.

Today I ran out the door to make it to our fingerprint appointment on time. Barely made it. Then we were off to downtown for Global Kids Camp at church. I had such a good time. We are using the week to talk about creation. The kids are loving it. Who doesn’t love to dig in the ground and talk about how God himself created the ground, dirt, and vegetables that grow from it. For snack time we shared a rainbow smoothie. It was really good. Really. I am so nice that I have the ingredients listed for you. You should try it.

I posted pics from Global Kids Camp here.

I also posted some pics from my home office (and tablecloth drapes/place mat pillows) here.

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Rainbow Smoothie.

red: Strawberries

orange: Orange Juice

yellow: Bananas

green: Spinach (dry leaves)

blue: Blueberries

Add all ingredients and ice in blender for a fun cool treat. If you are really crazy wild you just might add a little umbrella and straw.

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During the glorious summer months what drink do you find yourself craving?

flowers make me happy.

It seems that stress is creeping up into my thoughts A LOT. I find myself thinking through all the dollars I don’t have for this adoption journey. To be transparent, I worry about money often. I think this has been a factor throughout my entire life. Even if I were rather wealthy I would still “worry” about how my wealth was being spent. I am also one to take forever in making decisions. Once I make a decision I am not hesitant to use my rather large mouth and let someone know.

Today we mailed off two documents. Two things to cross off of my list. It feels good. Tomorrow we get fingerprinted and photographed for our criminal check. I am feeling pretty confident for that one.

About the flowers.

I went into Kroger today to pick up some dish soap when I passed a whole bucket of flowers on sale. My eyes gravitated to one certain pink set of roses. I was so happy when I read they were on sale for 1.99. This little bunch of flowers have brought me some smiles. My God is so good. He created such beauty for my eyes to behold. On days when I am stressed about financial”ness” he brings me the most beautiful bouquet in the clearance bin. He cares. Oh yes.

Leave me a comment and tell me what made you smile today. Or tell me if you haven’t smiled and I will try to think of a really clever joke to tell you.

laundry.

As you can tell, I have been doing laundry today.  6 loads to be exact.  Last quilt (from beach) is in the dryer.  Mission accomplished.

Does your place look like this on laundry day?  Do you put away after every load or do you throw it all back into a laundry basket?  I am curious.  Tell me.

I have to go now.  Lots of laundry to put away.  My LEAST favorite part.

magazines {i love them}

I love magazines.

I hope you do too.

Order your favorite one today. It will help us raise money to bring our boy home.

Share the link with friends. http://www.magfundraising.com/debraparker

By the way::

What is your favorite magazine? Mine is Domino. Love it.

bullet points.

  • pictures from Camp Cherry Mountain have finally left my SD card and landed here.
  • I am still sitting in the middle of The Shack.  I have been too busy to read.  A good busy.
  • Monday the kids and I met up with Ang at Pump it up and I have a nice burn on my arm to prove it.  Who knew how dangerous it was.
  • Tuesday I finally started the laundry from our trip to Missouri.  I am not sure if I am done yet.  I know gross.  If I have been too busy to read you better believe that I have been too busy to do laundry. HA.
  • Wednesday I met up with THREE of my high school girlfriends.  We all use to dance together.  Conversation was easy and our kids played it up (at the pool) for many hours.  We enjoyed sharing old stories and learning new ones.  It is a great weird to be back in my home town.
  • Wednesday my friend Reagan (and baby) from San Antonio drove in for fun and adventure.
  • Thursday we drove out to the Children’s Museum.  We paid for metered parking and still came away with a ticket.  I think it was worth it.  After the museum we made our way to Herman Park to picnic and ride the train.  What should have taken maybe 5 minutes took about 25.  That is what happens when I am in control of directions.
  • Attended Kam’s 18th birthday dinner.  Happy Birthday Kameron!
  • Friday we hung at the community pool with the kiddos and then went to pick up Caleb from Hobby Airport.  No problems with directions this day.  Wait.  I think that is not true.  Oh well.
  • Made Mexican Chicken for dinner…Or is it called King Ranch Chicken.  (ingredients- chicken, cream of chicken, rotel, wheat tortillas, and stuff to taste.)
  • Saturday I drove us out to Galveston Beach.  Do you hear a bit of pride in that?  You should.  Do you remember my lack of direction skills.  I made it to Galveston with NO PROBLEM.  That is a true statement.  Dinner at Fudruckers on The Strand with our staycation crew.
  • Church at Ecclesia.  Still loving this place.  Casa Ole’ for lunch and naps all around.

Week ahead.

ADOPTION PAPERWORK!