Category Archives: Reflection
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tamales + camera = God story
November 4, 2008 – 12:25 pm
I happen to think God is really cool. He more than just provides the needs he details moments through the journey. Unfolding like the most beautifully wrapped present were the details of this story. I cannot help but share them out.
Last September I learned how to make tamales. My plan was to make some money for Jamie’s adoption. Interestingly enough I became known as “tamale lady” by one sweet blogger woman. I thought that really funny because I feel a far cry from all things tamale. We needed to meet in person and sure enough we got the chance. I love Nancy. Love her. She is the most encouraging beautiful woman. To know her is to love her.
The time that followed has been nothing short of craziness. In the months we acted on the leading to adopt. In that time I also picked up a camera and started a little business. God blessed.
A few weeks ago I got a call from Living Proof Ministries about doing a photo session for Christmas Cards. Nancy works for LPM and shared my name. Precious brave Nancy. Nancy is also aware all the money from my little business runs to our adoption fund.
God. only God.
Yesterday we all met and laughed for the camera. I felt more than honored. I sit under the ministry of each of these beautiful women. Some may answer phones, some may answer mail, some may organize, and some may teach but rest assured these women [ahem… and Curtis] are in this together. It is such a beautiful thing.
Who would have thought? Debra makes tamales. Debra meets new friends. Debra picks up a camera. Debra plans adoption. Debra photographs LPM Staff. God thought. He can choose in any way to provide our adoption funding. Today he chose this.
What will it be tomorrow?
I am so along for the ride. I must say that at this moment I feel a bit wild over him. Wild enough to have a picture in my mind of holding tight to his strong arms while riding the fast pace of this life. My hair is blowing in the wind and my cheeks are ravaged by the sun. I cannot see what lay ahead. I can only hold on with great anticipation.
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In this photo you can see the fun on my face. I enjoyed each of you and your good hair. I still cannot believe that I actually jumped up and down for you all. My plan was to act a little more civilized [insert my own laughter]. Kimberly and Kimberly the LT was fun. We must do it again. Liz thank you for coming and being willing to hold a ladder for me and for documenting the wrapping to my story.
Photo Credit: Liz Seay.
the [heart] of the matter.
October 21, 2008 – 10:57 am
My body is experiencing withdrawals from a nature filled weekend. I hitched a ride out to Cat Springs for the annual Ecclesia women’s retreat. I really did not know what to expect and had some serious thoughts of backing out at the last minute but I didn’t. Good. I enjoyed laying on grass, hearing the sounds of a waterfall, great conversation, great worship, and much laughter. When we went in for worship I was surprised that one of the worship leaders looked very familiar to me. In that “how do I know this person” kind of familiar. I finally realized that it was Donna from the butterfly blog. I have checked out her blog a few times from another blog friend Lauren. I am telling you this blog life is fun and equally strange. Anyway, Donna and Jill did such an amazing job leading us to worship. They are together witty and ever so talented.
Throughout the weekend my goal was to get alone and write a lot of stuff in my journal. Every time I went to write my words would just not come. Instead I kept seeing this picture in my mind. It was of me raising my hands to God handing over my heart. An offering if you will. Letting go. Over and over this image would roll in and out of my thoughts. It made such an impression on me that I needed to create it. Along with my 9 year old photographer it was done.
A picture of letting go. Me. I am letting go of fear. Fear of a wounded heart. Yes. That is what this portrait is symbolizing. It took me laying on some grass + full attention for me to hear. I feel like singing the song that goes something like… “I can see clearly now the rain is gone…“.
I love the way that God romances me into a deeper relationship. The melodies, photos, words seem to flutter the little girl inside me.
So I wonder.
What does it for you?
going public.
October 15, 2008 – 12:00 pm
Do you ever wonder what is in another ones head? This is my prayer today. Not because I am good or because I have it all together. In fact, I am not and I don’t. I am just a girl. A girl who desires to be consumed with one. You know, The One.
::
In my heart and my soul
Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out.
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And You. What are your thoughts today? If you feel it too personal here is my invitation to be an anonymous commentor.
singing.
October 8, 2008 – 9:12 am
If I find in myself
desires nothing in this world can satisfy-
I can only conclude
that I was not made for here…
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simply true.
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Those are the opening lyrics to the C.S. Lewis song by Brooke Frasier. Listen here.
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Thank you for praying for me. I surprised myself with my own singing as I was folding laundry last night. Not that the singing was good it was just there. Praise.
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You have lifted me up beyond your own knowledge. Please allow me the same. Email me, comment, or sky write something that I can be praying specifically for you. It would be my honor. My joy.
pray.
October 7, 2008 – 5:15 pm
for me please.
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if you want some specifics you can pray for:
our adoption and the funds.
for this one soul to trust in her Lord with ALL her heart.
to follow even in the dark.
to have a good hair day tomorrow.
i thank you in advance.
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this was my day. (this and laundry)
notice anything?
September 24, 2008 – 1:22 pm
For my 32nd Birthday Ernest surprised me with a lunch picnic, cake buying, an appointment at a day spa (hint), and dinner with my favorite four.
What do you notice is different?
He’s just so into you.
September 7, 2008 – 12:50 pm
I can’t seem to stop the spontaneous overflow of tears from my two already red eyes. God. He is so good. And there the tears are coming again. He is just more. More than I deserve. More than I ever give him credit for. More than my words can paint. More than this heart can hold in.
I have had a post on my mind for a few weeks. It was to be titled “He is just not that into you”. It was going to be all about my almost daily struggle against myself and my thoughts. Truth be known the struggle is a spiritual battle against the enemy out to devour my life. Extra truth be known I was laying down my fight and making myself an easy target. I had allowed myself to question the very way that God loved me. This woman who banked her whole ministry on the passionate love of God. The romantic one who could uncover some romance in each scripture written. This same one looked up at her Lover God and said the words “You are just not that into me.” I bought into the lies the enemy was throwing at me. The flames were piercing straight through a bruised heart. I resolved this must be true. I believed that God loved you magically but something happened when it came to me. I was not believing it anymore. For weeks I wrapped myself with protection of unbelief. If I don’t believe that God is into me then I don’t have to worry about why things are not going the way I think they would if he were into me.
I was hurt.
I talked with Ernest. I am so glad that he does not preach to me when I come to him. He simply kept saying the same thing over and over.
Is this the character of God?
I knew the answer.
I kept walking this same road of struggle. I talked with God but I did not listen for his words. Protection. Or so I thought. In church last Sunday the speaker spoke words with exact meaning to what I needed to hear. I heard the words but the protective lies inside kept combating them.
Ernest could feel my resistance. I know he was praying for me.
We talked more last week. He urged me to do what I already knew I needed to do. Release. I needed to release my fears of the unknown situations in my life to him. Love. I needed to allow his love to flow into the very shell of a person I was becoming. Faith. I need to believe HE WAS THAT INTO ME.
I can’t believe how scared I was to do that. Me. The so called lover of Christ. The almost 32 year old teacher of all things love. This mother of two amazing gifts from God. The dreamer who is in love with a little one from Haiti. The wife of one adventurous man. I was scared. I was scared because I did not want what I feared to be true. I did not want to release my so called protection to only be rejected.
That is our worst fear right?
I released. In my fear I prayed for His love to come rushing. it did. I did not deserve it. It was rushing all the while. I just could not see it due to the heavy coat of protection that I had so sweetly wrapped myself with.
Saturday morning as I laid my face to the floor I begged God to renew his spirit within me. I confessed in words what he already knew of my heart. I praised him and promised I would praise him no matter. If I feel your love, If I don’t. If it turns out that you are not that into me. No matter. I am that into you.
Those few moments changed my heart. [changed me]
This morning I am home from church with a sick one. Praise music is vibrating the speakers on our old system. I am loving every second of it. I have sung to the top of my lungs. Most likely our neighbors are wondering about me. He is my strength. He is like no other. He is my hope. He gives hope like no other.
I have stood in the middle of my living room with hands raised and tears flowing. In the midst of the praise I thought of all of you. I wanted to tell you this.
He is so into you.
Don’t be like me. Don’t rob yourself one moment of believing his truth. He is more into you than you will ever know. He is working all things together for good. He knows the very details of your heart. He loves you. Oh how he loves you. And me.
How I wish we could praise together. We would have some kind of rocking party. [with plenty of kleenex for me]
neighbors = love
August 28, 2008 – 3:03 pm
You know how the bible says that we should love our neighbor like we do our own self? I am experiencing some awesome neighborly love.
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listen to this.
Jenny has used her awesome skills to create a beautiful painting. She has decided to auction it off and give all the profits to our adoption. I have never met Jenny in person but let me tell you she is a friend. Go visit her and tell how sweet she is. Check out her painting and make a bid.
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and this.
My physical neighbor came over today to invite us to the Friday Night football game. In the process of talking she offered to shuttle me anywhere I needed. She said that she was always home and would be happy to run me to the kids school or even walmart for that matter. What a kind woman.
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and this.
Jamie wrote about our magazine sells for the adoption. She did not have to do that. She just wanted to. How awesome is she. Go over and order if you would like.
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and also this.
This week I experienced one of the most uplifting calls from a friend. She lives VERY far away from me. It really did not matter this day because it was as if we were in the same room. She encouraged me to pray about a certain love that I have. God used her words to express love to me. It was good.
inspiration?
August 20, 2008 – 7:38 pm
I was just randomly going through my google reader when I came across this post about inspirations from Matt Chandler. I am so stirred. Spontaneously I have decided to work through my list. For the sake of talking it through I have decided to do it on here, my handy dandy blog.
When is it that I feel inspired?
1. Outdoors. There is just something about the beauty of creation that relaxes my soul and brings a wealth of feelings. God is there in creation. It is beauty.
2. When I am engaged in a conversation with girls. We can be talking of all things Jesus, or simply chatting over coffee, or even the moments my ears are hearing the ins and outs of relationships. I watch the ways their eyes shine, their smile is contagious. God is so in love with them. So am I. I must say that I have a favorite girl. You know her. We love to hang out and chat. I am never more inspired than the moments I sit with my 10 year old girl.
3. Listening to music while doing my morning walk. I don’t run. The words usually bring tears to my eyes. The song from Barlow Girl that sings the line I need you to love me gets me every time.
4. The Psalms. Oh yes.
5. Service at Ecclesia.
6. Sitting at the beach. I really want to do this alone one day. It is such a great place to think.
7. Through deep conversations with Ernest.
This is my first draft list. I plan to think and work through it. Talking about what inspires me has now inspired me. I want to love God with all that I am. I don’t want to be a talker I want to be lover. Next up what hinders my inspiration.
So tell me…
What inspires you?
